Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
