If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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