it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
