He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
