ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
