Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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