Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
