I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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