Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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