I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
