Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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