I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
