I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
