I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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