you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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