I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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