Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
