Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
