She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
