It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
