Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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