Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
