just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
