I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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