fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
