If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize