You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
