seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
im on a boat
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