I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
