Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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