My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
