Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
