Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
