Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
