Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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