I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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