its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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