I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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