it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
