My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
