I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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