Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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