dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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