She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
