normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
