I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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