I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
