I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
