drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
