If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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