I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
