Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
