so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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