there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
