she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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