Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
