I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
