So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
