I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
