1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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