# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
