my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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