Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
