I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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