I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
