three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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