Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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