I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
